Such very sad news today. My wife and I decided that we wanted to get a fish for our house, something to keep her company while I am off at work. So we went to the pet store, bought a little bowl and a Betta fish. We started calling it Mr. Fish, for lack of a better name. But he wouldn't eat and two days later, he died.

We went back to the pet store and asked what we could do to keep a Betta alive. The saleswoman, who was very excited about fish, went through and picked us one she thought would do better. We took him home and called him Isda (the Ilonggo word for fish, we are very creative people). He was active, he was eating, and we thought everything was good.

Then a snowstorm hit overnight and in the morning we had to move him out of our living room. Bettas prefer warm weather and water to live in, and we think that the snow did our second fish in. He never quite recovered after we moved him, he started swimming more sluggishly, stopped eating, and finally died sticking straight up and down.

We are saddened and have decided not to try raising another Betta until summer comes along and we know the water will stay warm enough. We hope that if we can survive the first few months of summer, things will work out. We are still hopeful about adding a fish to our home, but it won't be just yet.

I can't believe that I didn't write a thing while I was alone. I suppose it was because I worked so much during the last two weeks.

But I have to say that I have a new appreciation for how she feels when I am staying late at work. There is nothing worse than being alone in your own home. I don't mind being alone. However, any place in which you are alone, but know that someone is usually with you, makes it even more lonely. I can see why I get planitive phone calls at 5:30 asking when I am going to leave work. I would be calling too.

The lonliest time is 9:30 when you're in your own house. It is late enough that you know no one is coming and you have been there by yourself long enough to want someone to talk to. And yet at the same time, you can't go to bed so early, so you only have more time ahead of you to contemplate your situation.

I am glad that she made it back safely and we are together again.

I am very sad that I will not be with my wife on Valentine's Day. She has gone on vacation with her mother and two siblings.

However, as a Valentine's Day treat, I have updated the mainpage of my Web site with a love poem. No, it is not 'the' love poem, but one that she really likes. I can't remember where I got the inspiration for this poem. I suppose that I should say it was from my wife, but I don't think we were dating at the time I wrote this.

I am fascinated by the hopeless romanticism of William Tell in this poem. His earnest belief that he might one day walk into the basement and find a hole to China waiting to take him to his lover resonates with me. The idealism and complete trust that love will conquer all is becoming especially poignant to me while I am alone.

It's 4:00 a.m. and I can't sleep.

I am hoping that writing will clear my mind and help me slip back into peaceful oblivion for a few hours.

What has been keeping me awake tonight is the very human dichotomy between reality and perception. How difficult it is for us to move past the feelings we get based on what we perceive. How difficult it can be to step outside our egocentric view to look at the broader realities that drive the situations we find ourselves in.
And yet the dichotomy comes into full force when someone who has the bigger picture is so grounded in the reality of all the happenings it includes that they don't overlook the perceptions of other people.
This is coming out poorly without being able to explain the entire situation. I do feel comfortable saying it is work-related, and I want to find a compromise but don't quite know how to approach it.

I am discovering in myself an interesting trait that I didn't know was lurking inside me until recently. I am ambitious. I don't feel this in a self-serving way, but rather I am no longer at ease with letting the world pass me by as it is.
I know that I can be a positive influence on the world around me. I cannot be contented with simply following the status quo. This should not be interpreted that I am looking for change for the sake of change. But when I feel that there is something I can help become better, I feel a moral imperative to step up and attempt the change. I try to avoid being so dogmatic about my views that I force my vision through if I realize it is not for the best.

I feel that I have started taking control of my life. There is one around to do it for me, and now that I have a family of my own, I am the one responsible for guiding it. I cannot simply react or worse passively watch what is happening in my own home. I speak in the present and the future tenses.

Well, I think I have said enough for one night. I don't know if any of this will make sense to me in the morning, but I think it will at least help me fall asleep now.

So much for January.

I can't believe that 2004 just showed up at the doorstep and is already making itself comfortable into February. Just who or what does this year think it is!

The audacity boggles my mind.

But while we are talking about the weather, or at least in my mind if you are going to mention January and February, then you need to mention the cold, if only briefly.

I however, have no intention of being brief.

Having lived in a fair number of places, I feel that I have endured the full range of climates. I was fortunate to spend some time in mild, sunny California but also in blazing, desert California. I lived in the Mediteranean, dry clime of Southern Italy and the bone-drenching humidity of South Korea. I lived in Utah, with no Fall or Spring, just long winters and short summers. I even did an equitorial stint in the Philippines during an El Nino year, it was hot 24 hours a day. And I don't just mean a little hot, I was sweating while I showered!

But living in Boston has to be the hardest yet, or perhaps the immediacy of it overshadows my other experiences. Whatever the case, the two winters that I have spent in Boston are the coldest years of my life. When we arrived, literally the day after we unloaded our truck, we were snowed in for three days. When we finally decided we had had enough, I had to chip an inch of ice off my car. It was like Magic Shell on an ice-cream cone. The entire car was coated, entirely. That was the winter of snow. Every other day we were getting more snow.

This winter has not gotten nearly as much snow. In fact after the first big storm of the season, there hasn't been snow to speak of. But it has been cold. Not just freezing cold, because when the temperature hovers around freezing you get the snow. This has been bitter cold, with air temperatures of 0 degrees Farenheit, and wind chills taking some places down to -80 degrees. You don't want to leave the house it is so cold, but at the same time, staying home isn't much better because the heat all gets sucked right out.

So that is my weather update. Too much cold out here in the East.

I will have to read back over this in July when I will be wishing for a touch of cold weather.

IM has to be one of the most interesting forms of communication. You get to "speak" with someone almost like you are on the phone with them, with the major distinction that more often than not you don't plan to IM someone.
They just show up online and you begin your conversation. In this way IM acts more like a chance meeting at a store or something.

While, I prefer the immedacy of IM over email, I also like the asychronize abilities of email. Email is more practical because you know your message is going to be received. On the other hand, I was talking with my younger brother- and sister-in-law, neither of them have email addresses because they see all their friends through IM. They just leave away messages for each other in a pseudo-email fashion when they can't chat.

A very interesting culture has sprung up around this. One that I am only tangentally involved in, and think that I will stay on the sidelines.

So I am not getting to this blog as much as I would like. That sure makes it hard to keep people interested in coming here.

I had a consultation with my dentist today about a root canal that I am going to need. There are a few other cavities to be filled, but the main concern is the root canal. Fortunately he caught it early enough that I don't have to go for it right away. I might spread it over this year and next. That would be nice.
But it has certainly given me a renewed interest in dental hygene. We got a sonic care tooth brush for Christmas, and I am still getting used to it. I like it except when I hit my teeth with the back side. They are supposed to be good though, I will have to see if I notice a difference.

This has been quite a week. I have been very busy at work this week.

Being busy at work is always an interesting thing. This week I have been running around, but I haven't felt like I accomplished much. I think that part of the reason was that my desk became a complete mess. Everytime I looked around, even after finishing something, all I could see was how much more I had waiting.

Tonight I stayed late so I could clean everything up. The catharsis from cleaning is second only to that of writing. I feel so much better now that I have a clean area. I feel like I can go back to work and be more efficient. Won't that be nice.

This is just a quick update. I have been updating my Web site. I am finally starting to add in some of my writing. And this weekend I am going to try getting more pictures up. Look for photos from Korea and other exotic places...
Ok, just Korea.

Happy New Year!!

New Year's Eve was a quite event around our house. We decided to rent a couple of movies, all of which turned out to be independent films. We watched Raising Victor Vargas, a very real movie about the barriers people set up to keep people out, and how different life is when you let people past those barriers.
Later that night we watched Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, a favorite of my wife's family. I was so tired that I kept falling asleep during the movie. But I woke up in time to watch the ball drop, cheer in 2004, and drag my blanket back to the bed. I was asleep by 12:05 but I didn't care.

Today we watched He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not, with Audrey Tautou--the actress from Amelie. It was really well done. I don't want to spoil it, but this is one of those movies where your perception completely changes. We liked it, and it comes recommended from me.

We also went into Boston to with my mother-in-law and sister-in-law to watch Ghosts of the Abyss. An IMAX 3-D documentary about an expediation to the Titanic. Such an amazing ship. So many things are so well preserved down there. I wish that I could see first hand the wreckage. That would be a powerful and humbling experience.

As it is 2004 I feel that I should say I am looking forward to this year. So many things can happen in a year, I just hope it doesn't pass as quickly as 2003 did.