We all know that life is full of tough decisions. I think that I make some of them harder on myself than I need to. This week, just one month out of work, I have been trying to decide what to do with myself. On Monday I received a job offer from a company in the Direct Mail industry. They do not put the mail together, but act as an agency to get all the pieces to the right people so they can do it.

I would have been in charge of budgets, vendors, data, production, and myriad other things. The potential for growth, especially as a project manager, or manager in general, seemed very large. They were also offering me a salary that was quite a bit larger than my previous position.

I turned the job down. Mia was part of the decision, but ultimately she felt that this time I needed to be the one to make the final choice so that I could stick to it without feeling resentful.

Instead I am going to be taking a 4-6 week contract to update the content on one of the small, local college Web sites. It is going to require interviewing and writing, as well as some of my Web skills. I am excited about to do it. I am excited to start writing again. To have something to show for the work that I do.

On the other hand, it puts more pressure on us, because once this contract is finished, I have to find another one. This is what I want to do, try things out, work for a couple of months and then move on. However, standing at the beginning of the path it is very scary.

I have learned this week about how prayers are answered. I have learned that free agency is not just a phrase that we use to justify our wrong choices. My assumption was that as I prayed the Lord would make my choice, that he would tell me what to do. However, the first feeling that I got was that whichever choice I made, our family would be OK. He would support us. The more I prayed, asking to know which choice was right, the more I felt impressed to study both jobs. I looked at the pros and cons, I thought about the long- and short-term consequences, I thought about what would make us both happy.
In the end, it was the feeling that we would both be happier as a couple that led me to my choice. I felt that while it would have been a good job, I would have learned so much, the full-time offer would also have consumed my time and energy. Knowing the industry, even after work I would be thinking about my job. It would likely have gotten me up early in the morning to arrive early to get a jump start. And while I had planned, and discussed at my interview, to leave at 5:00PM, I surely would have stayed later some nights. I didn't feel right walking back into the same fights we had had over my previous job.
So, I am looking out, feeling scared, feeling excited, feeling that this is my time to accomplish something, prove that I have the abilities to take my life in the direction that I want. And I am humbled and grateful to feel that I have my wife and my Lord supporting me.