It's 4:00 a.m. and I can't sleep.

I am hoping that writing will clear my mind and help me slip back into peaceful oblivion for a few hours.

What has been keeping me awake tonight is the very human dichotomy between reality and perception. How difficult it is for us to move past the feelings we get based on what we perceive. How difficult it can be to step outside our egocentric view to look at the broader realities that drive the situations we find ourselves in.
And yet the dichotomy comes into full force when someone who has the bigger picture is so grounded in the reality of all the happenings it includes that they don't overlook the perceptions of other people.
This is coming out poorly without being able to explain the entire situation. I do feel comfortable saying it is work-related, and I want to find a compromise but don't quite know how to approach it.

I am discovering in myself an interesting trait that I didn't know was lurking inside me until recently. I am ambitious. I don't feel this in a self-serving way, but rather I am no longer at ease with letting the world pass me by as it is.
I know that I can be a positive influence on the world around me. I cannot be contented with simply following the status quo. This should not be interpreted that I am looking for change for the sake of change. But when I feel that there is something I can help become better, I feel a moral imperative to step up and attempt the change. I try to avoid being so dogmatic about my views that I force my vision through if I realize it is not for the best.

I feel that I have started taking control of my life. There is one around to do it for me, and now that I have a family of my own, I am the one responsible for guiding it. I cannot simply react or worse passively watch what is happening in my own home. I speak in the present and the future tenses.

Well, I think I have said enough for one night. I don't know if any of this will make sense to me in the morning, but I think it will at least help me fall asleep now.

So much for January.

I can't believe that 2004 just showed up at the doorstep and is already making itself comfortable into February. Just who or what does this year think it is!

The audacity boggles my mind.

But while we are talking about the weather, or at least in my mind if you are going to mention January and February, then you need to mention the cold, if only briefly.

I however, have no intention of being brief.

Having lived in a fair number of places, I feel that I have endured the full range of climates. I was fortunate to spend some time in mild, sunny California but also in blazing, desert California. I lived in the Mediteranean, dry clime of Southern Italy and the bone-drenching humidity of South Korea. I lived in Utah, with no Fall or Spring, just long winters and short summers. I even did an equitorial stint in the Philippines during an El Nino year, it was hot 24 hours a day. And I don't just mean a little hot, I was sweating while I showered!

But living in Boston has to be the hardest yet, or perhaps the immediacy of it overshadows my other experiences. Whatever the case, the two winters that I have spent in Boston are the coldest years of my life. When we arrived, literally the day after we unloaded our truck, we were snowed in for three days. When we finally decided we had had enough, I had to chip an inch of ice off my car. It was like Magic Shell on an ice-cream cone. The entire car was coated, entirely. That was the winter of snow. Every other day we were getting more snow.

This winter has not gotten nearly as much snow. In fact after the first big storm of the season, there hasn't been snow to speak of. But it has been cold. Not just freezing cold, because when the temperature hovers around freezing you get the snow. This has been bitter cold, with air temperatures of 0 degrees Farenheit, and wind chills taking some places down to -80 degrees. You don't want to leave the house it is so cold, but at the same time, staying home isn't much better because the heat all gets sucked right out.

So that is my weather update. Too much cold out here in the East.

I will have to read back over this in July when I will be wishing for a touch of cold weather.

IM has to be one of the most interesting forms of communication. You get to "speak" with someone almost like you are on the phone with them, with the major distinction that more often than not you don't plan to IM someone.
They just show up online and you begin your conversation. In this way IM acts more like a chance meeting at a store or something.

While, I prefer the immedacy of IM over email, I also like the asychronize abilities of email. Email is more practical because you know your message is going to be received. On the other hand, I was talking with my younger brother- and sister-in-law, neither of them have email addresses because they see all their friends through IM. They just leave away messages for each other in a pseudo-email fashion when they can't chat.

A very interesting culture has sprung up around this. One that I am only tangentally involved in, and think that I will stay on the sidelines.

So I am not getting to this blog as much as I would like. That sure makes it hard to keep people interested in coming here.

I had a consultation with my dentist today about a root canal that I am going to need. There are a few other cavities to be filled, but the main concern is the root canal. Fortunately he caught it early enough that I don't have to go for it right away. I might spread it over this year and next. That would be nice.
But it has certainly given me a renewed interest in dental hygene. We got a sonic care tooth brush for Christmas, and I am still getting used to it. I like it except when I hit my teeth with the back side. They are supposed to be good though, I will have to see if I notice a difference.

This has been quite a week. I have been very busy at work this week.

Being busy at work is always an interesting thing. This week I have been running around, but I haven't felt like I accomplished much. I think that part of the reason was that my desk became a complete mess. Everytime I looked around, even after finishing something, all I could see was how much more I had waiting.

Tonight I stayed late so I could clean everything up. The catharsis from cleaning is second only to that of writing. I feel so much better now that I have a clean area. I feel like I can go back to work and be more efficient. Won't that be nice.

This is just a quick update. I have been updating my Web site. I am finally starting to add in some of my writing. And this weekend I am going to try getting more pictures up. Look for photos from Korea and other exotic places...
Ok, just Korea.

Happy New Year!!

New Year's Eve was a quite event around our house. We decided to rent a couple of movies, all of which turned out to be independent films. We watched Raising Victor Vargas, a very real movie about the barriers people set up to keep people out, and how different life is when you let people past those barriers.
Later that night we watched Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, a favorite of my wife's family. I was so tired that I kept falling asleep during the movie. But I woke up in time to watch the ball drop, cheer in 2004, and drag my blanket back to the bed. I was asleep by 12:05 but I didn't care.

Today we watched He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not, with Audrey Tautou--the actress from Amelie. It was really well done. I don't want to spoil it, but this is one of those movies where your perception completely changes. We liked it, and it comes recommended from me.

We also went into Boston to with my mother-in-law and sister-in-law to watch Ghosts of the Abyss. An IMAX 3-D documentary about an expediation to the Titanic. Such an amazing ship. So many things are so well preserved down there. I wish that I could see first hand the wreckage. That would be a powerful and humbling experience.

As it is 2004 I feel that I should say I am looking forward to this year. So many things can happen in a year, I just hope it doesn't pass as quickly as 2003 did.

I really need to get better about updating this more often. In fact I am going to have to make sure that my entire Web site is up-to-date because we are going to send out a newsletter to our friends and family encouraging them to come visit. I don't want people to leave disappointed.

It is Christmas Eve. I can't believe that the month and the year have gone by so quickly. It seems like just yesterday we were moving out here from Utah. Now we are settled, have friends and have each been through one job (I am on my second, Mia is taking a break). We are started to feel at home out here in Boston. That is quite amazing since most of the people out here have lived here their whole lives, it seems like we should still be outsiders.

I will post again after Christmas so I can describe all the loot I got, but on the eve of all the wanton gift-giving and getting I still have time to reflect.

Reflection in my case means considering how fortunate I am to have a loving family, both my parents and siblings, as well as my wife. I remember a time when I couldn't accept the idea of people loving me. It just didn't seem possible. Now, I know that they do and I live a much richer life because of it.

I reflect on my goals. Professionally I am in a place that wants me to succeed. I can tell already that they consider me an asset and want to give me opportunities to grow with them. I would like that.
Personally, I am able to support my wife and I, which is an important part of being able to plan for a family. I feel that as a person I have matured enough to guide someone else along. This isn't to say that I don't have more growing to do, but I could at least keep one step ahead for a while.
Spiritually I am committed to the gospel of Jesus Christ. It strengthens my relationship with my wife, my family, my friends, and everyone that I meet. My calling at Church allows me to extend a helping hand to people. I feel very humbled and grateful that I have such opportunities constantly.

This has been quite a year. I can only imagine what the next year will bring. I am confident that together Mia and I will make it a good year.

Well, I suppose that winter has finally arrived. We are caught between two storm systems, each determined to drop snow all over the region. I think they are trying to out-do each other.
Interestingly, the city commissioner didn't think that things would be too bad. And so the snow plows were not mobilized on Friday when the snow really started coming down. After about an hour every road in the area was covered with at least 4 inches of snow, and it just got worse from there.

The snow hasn't let up today, and it makes me a bit nervous about how much shovelling I am going to have to do to free our cars from the snowbanks that the plows place right at the edge of our driveway. That is one bad thing about living on a road that gets plowed. But we don't have anywhere to go (even Church got cancelled for tomorrow), so we are content to sip hot chocolate and relax.

Our house has been pretty good to us during this storm. We were getting a little crazy staying inside all day so we went into our small backyard and made snow angels. We were going to do a snowman, but the snow isn't packing well yet. But if we have to live in our house for a while we could do it. There is some food storage in the basement, candles for light and heat, water in case we need it. And bookcase full of books. Books are great because they work even when the power is out. We could do pretty well here.

My wife keeps saying she wants Tuna Melts for dinner, so I think we are going to brave the snow, walk to the corner store and buy some. What a time to crave tuna. Sheesh.

So, it has been a while since I posted. I suppose that I should say that Thanksgiving was good. We went out to my in-laws, which is always an experience.

I didn't eat so much this year. I sampled a bit of everything, but forwent tackling an entire turkey drumstick and pot of mashed potatoes. The food was good, and I ate just the right amount to be satisfied.

Of course, that is putting the positive spin on Thanksgiving. The rest of the story is that we spent the first five hours of the day hauling pine branches from two of the three large felled trees in the backyard. There was a pile at least 6 feet high and about 20 wide of all the branches we moved to the side of the road. But these were trees that needed to come down, so I didn't mind chipping in.

As for the rest of it, well things have been pretty quiet around here. I have been working long hours, which I am hoping to stop doing soon, and my wife has been not working. It makes both of our days feel longer, but we get by.